I've watched my parents from a young age argue quite frequently. This left a lasting impact on me to this day . This morning my boyfriend had court and I had asked him something and I guess I was supposed to know the answer to or it irritated him so hit me on the side of my head.
     I don't take that shit lightly. I told him to go  to court himself and it's not my problem.  He proceeded to tell me that he didn't want to go without me. I finally gave in after a few back and forth refrencing what he had just done . He kept saying that he wasn't trying to hurt me . I argued that if he wasn't he wouldn't have hit me .
   The day goes on with 3 trips to the bailbondsman including 1 with my sister to Co sign.  Him and I get in a heated discussion over lunch/dinner about paying and cosigning and vpo.
His crusty old ass mother blurts out "are you committed to him or not" I was still discussing it with him how his family should be the ones doing it . I hear that snap my head looking at her and said something that shut her up . Don't remember what but I'm sure along the lines of her not having employement, bond money or collatteral. Whatever I did shut her up. She just sat there sipping her drink all pissed off.
   Just because you are committed to someone doesn't make you their bitch .

       No child wants to call their parent to tell them they are in jail but when the child is showing signs as if physical harm was to come to them if they do something wrong , ever.
    I first get a message from my fiance's coworker telling me that it's none of her bussiness but my fiance was hauled out in handcuffs about 30 mins prior . This is at around 12:30 . I had been texting my fiance for over an hr and he had stopped replying about 45 mins prior which i assumed was due to him being busy at work .   I started with the Sherriff's Department and got sent to 3 different numbers ending with non emergency dispatch who said they didn't have anyone by that name in ther system but they could be there and not in the system as it can take up to 8 hrs for them to be processed.

   After talking to his coworker for about 10mins , my friend and while doing so freaking out i finally decided to call around
 To bail bondsman trying to figure how and what to do . Called the first one who said you must have a checkstubs from work proving that you have been working and paying taxes for at least a year.
   Still he's not in the system. Around 6p.m. 1 of my 2 friends I had called for knowledge in legal matters . This friend let's call him ""Ellen" messages me a link to my boyfriends mugshot and listing . I don't know how some people smile in them but he Defenitly wasn't smiling .
   I spend the next few hours trying to figure how to do a bail , get him etc... I get a call at around 7 p.m. from the county jail ...
  He wanted to make sure I knew it was him , he said that I didn't have to bail him out . I insisted I did , that I wanted to , needed to and right after I said "I love you" the time cut off . You get 2 calls at about 2 mins each . The phone call quality is horrible as its basically a receiver on the wall to where you have to smash your face on it to hear .
   

Confronting the "MIL". MIL is a MUCH MUCH nicer abreviation.

     I hate confrontation for various reasons and 1 being of my childhood and my parents frequently arguing which resulting me questioning my existence as I cried in the corner. I will try to avoid it at all costs if possible. There comes a point that even the nicest person will get fed up when a person constantly makes an effort to jab at them and their family, culture, relationships and existence.


   My boyfriend , for anonymity call him John and his mother Barb , father Bill , brother Pete, Aunt Karen . I will put a key down below for easy reference. A bit of back history needs to be told first.....

       John and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years and it has taken me 1 good year to get John to realize what his mom has been doing . Barb has been making underhanded comments about me and my culture and anything or everything in between.
  Last year on my birthday which I spent with John ; John did not feel well and I had gotten into essential oils and new some had worked for John in the past and so after John had asked Barb to bring us some Popeye's spicy for my birthday and she did so begrudgingly im sure. When she got here she gave John my gift bag which contained a small tie dye Build A Bear bear and a $10 giftcard . I honestly didnt think she was going to go all out with what had previously happened. I asked for her o take me to the health store to pick up some Essential oils for John and my Prescription Pain meds . These pain meds I had worked hard to get . These pain meds are strong as they are the strongest you can get without being hospitalized.
  We get to the pharmacy and we have to wait as there was an issue with insurance and while waiting im discussing what needs to be done for John in terms as getting his insurance together, assistance with food etc.. I'm being nice and still trying to include her in her son's care despite what previous experience has taught me .  She goes off yelling at me about how it has nothing to do with my insurance . It ends with her continuously yelling with "John is the only one that hurts, John is the only one that doesnt feel good, John is the only one that is sick" while the whole pharmacy waiting room is staring at us including employees I juat get up to her im done with her and leave in tears. After a quick purchase I call John while outside and tell him what happened . Barb comes out doesnt see me and I hear her say , "I dont have time for this!" It results in me calling my mother to pick me up and Barb to this day denying that she yelled, not what she said but that she yelled and this is the store that both of my sisters had worked at for a long time.

   Fast-forward to today or more present....

       I had told John of a restaurant that is owned by a Mediterranean restaurant that my family knows the owners. More specifically 1 of my uncles is very good friends with the owners. He suggested this place to her and we go . The owner holds open the door as I hobble in with my single tipped cane and I great him with the standard "Sal-am" . I don't think he heard me or payed much attention until we were at the register and I told him that I hadn't been there and he knows my uncles . He asked my uncles last name as I assumed he couldn't tell by my face. As soon as he recognized the name he decided to offer me Persian hot tea as its a customary thing to do in Iran if you at at a friend's house. Barb is getting annoyed by us talking and makes sure he understands that she wants unsweet tea .  I ask if he has a certain dish that I love and he says no but if I call him 1 day in advance he will make it for me.The guy , lets call him Moon says that hes giving it to me and that its his gift to me. You can see the displeased look in her facial expression as he tells an employee to get me some persian hot tea as its his gift to me and introduces us. Moon then invites me to dinner at his house , family dinner and mentions that he will pick me up ; he gives me his business card with his cell number and tells me to call anytime and to make sure I call 1 day before I come and he will make my favorite dish. She continued with her order questioning John if she should get dessert now or later and then it comes to John and me ; we get the same thing and Moon asks what side we all want but looks at me and says I know you want the rice, all Persians get the rice. I go ahead with that and of course everyone follows suit.

    Barb is off getting her drink and I go sit down as the tea is meeting us at a table and sit down while John gets our drinks. The food shortly comes and Barb already starts shoving it down her throat. While she does that John points out how good it looks and that I got more than him or Barb. Barb glances over at my plate and hers and grumbles. Im still sipping the hot tea and so is John but of course she has to try it , im assuming to say that shes "cultured". She asks John weather to put the honey in 1st or after pouring the tea and he follows what I did of course. As we were eating Moon comes by the table to get my information so he can call me to pick me up for family dinner.
       I talk to John about going to Iran to visit family there and Barb makes a comment about the music in the back and how hes talking to them etc. I ignore that as I catch her glancing up at me for what I assumed to be a reaction. She then picks on another thing and another till I couldn't stand it and I made some comment and she replies " at the other place it is, its been like that forever , since i've taken the boys" At this point i'm really no longer hungry as she's pissing me off beyond measure and at a family friend's restaurant! 
I start talking to John about going to Iran to travel , visit family etc. She has to chime in
               " he can't go there , he doesnt have a passport"  she gets up for dessert , I dont know why considering that shes well over 300lbs and alot of her physical ailments that she self diagnoses herself with can be helped with either diet, exercise or combination.
                 and I said "well, good thing we were going to do one anyway"
               " He cant go ! He doesnt know anyone there!"
               before getting up to stretch my legs and check on John I let out...
               "Good thing he's an adult and he can make those decisions"....
                Grumbles.... "He can't go! I wont let him!"
   I pretty much roll my eyes and just smile and walk over to the front counter to talk to Moon and get some dessert. He again very loudly tells me to call him anytime and to come to his house for family dinner and that he will drive me and I ask him if its ok that my boyfriend comes. He replies with what is your boyfriend's name ?
                      I tell him "John"
                "John?"
              "yes, john"
"Yes your boyfriend John can come too and I will pick you up " loud enough for John to hear even with his hearing going.
I proceed to tell him how his mother is and how horrible she treats me .
He said some women are like that and to not mind her that she will have to get over it . He says to call him anytime  .

          More recently.....
We were going to go eat , Barb, Bill, John and myself. She asks John "how about we take dad to that new place we found the other day ? John pauses and asks me ... at this point im thinking "we found?" Im the one that told you people about it otherwise you would have not known!!!
                        Thinking quick I say "I wouldnt go there by yourself if I were you , he really doesnt like you"
     Bill chuckles and Barb thinks long to come up with "its foodservice , you dont have to like someone"
  I respond " I just wouldnt especially if you dont know the language!"!"
   I wait till were seated and shes directly across from me and let out .... " you dont have to like someone to poison them !"
    She shuts up finally and we look over the menus and while doing so I have a conversation with John about how when you act like trash you get treated like trash . I continue with how Moon treated us and the way she acted and how he went to my family's gathering and how they never once treated him like that . I glanced out of the corner of my eye and caught her glance at me.  I would ask hypothetical questions but was sure to break in between to thank the waitress for refills and such .  I remember asking him if he wanted to go to Iran because he is an adult and can make decisions unless he wants to be stuck being treated like a little kid all his life in which case im moving on because I am not going to have to ask permission to do things with my 31 yr old boyfriend. I looked up or out of the corner of my eye periodically and see her hands shaking and her slowly moving food around against her cheeks. John says she does that when shes angry.
    I dont remember all that I said but John said that I listed off everything she had did wrong and that I was loud . That there was his dad and his friend in the next booth that stared . He also said that I am the only other person that has been able to shut her up ... EVER. I asked whom the other was.... her MOM! John says that she shut up and then acted like everything was normal as we went to a bookstore after because "something clicked in her head and she finally got that she was wrong and what she did was wrong"  He repeated that her mom was the only one that has been able to make an impact on her that he knows of his entire 31 years .Apparently she is really scared and hates her mother.
    I felt bad but at the same time , she has humiliated me in front of various people I know , on my birthday and more . Why am I still having horrible feelings about doing so , ive been thinking and possibly because I actually have feelings, morals etc... things that a basic, normal human being should have ; especially to someone that hasn't done anything to you . To the person that repeatedly had said he wants to marry and that on separate occasions hes confessed under no pressure that she is the reason why he keeps living and is all his happiness.

    The fact that while your son was on 3 separate locations  hospitalized : 5 days 4 nights , 9 days 8 nights, and 5 days 4 nights that you only came up to see him when your mother and stepbrother came to visit him . That you refused to take me to get my life sustaining meds when I asked and when he was too embarrassed to let the nurse give him a sponge bath you watched and sucked on your drink from the giftcard that I gave you as I struggled to do so without and withdrawing from pain meds . Not even offer to help. I'm not comparing her to what my sisters have in their marriages but rather a decent human being would do. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised as this is the same person who compulsively lies and spreads rumors when she cant compete to make her life into a living drama series . If the 53 year old "adult" cant even say thank you when someone does something for her then how can have any empathy for another?

   She tells her oldest that seizures and pulmonary embolisms are all "in his head" and he can just "stay away from the people that cause them" . Yet, she believes her 27 yr old who not only said he had cancer and went to his heart but had a 1) mechanical heart replacement . Pig heart valve replacement yet magically doesnt have a scar at all on a pale white chest , doesnt take ANY MEDS or sees ANY DOCTOR because he hates them and DRINKS SEVERAL ENERGY drinks DAILY if not MORE. When I met him I ordered a pizza from my uncles shop and he like his mother put on a show. I was a few years younger then was naive enough to believe him when he ate a few slices (3 at least) and with dramatic effect "MY HEaRt is SHUttInG dooowwnn' . He claimed that he couldnt eat pork because he was "allergic" since his transplant . I stepped back and thought of this  day .... he is ALLERGIC to PORK but had a PIG valve replacement? He also CONTINUES to eat , .... SAUSAGE !!!! He must be SUPER powered to be able to pull that off and SUPER healing . Guess that makes sense since 1 day he thinks hes a member of the Insane Clown Posse and another he is Green Lantern and any acting out he does is him having a "mental breakdown" and excused .

           ** As it is now 6:09 a.m. and this is turning into 2 posts instead of the one titled , I shall leave it here.
                Let me know down below your most ridiculous boyfriend or medical situation you have heard  


               See ya in my next post FuzzyBunns!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 

              

                            LOVE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

             <3 PRINCESS SPARKLY KITTY <3







 

Urban Active Sports ~ Running Belt

               


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Parenting adults......

       As I try to make new friends and keep which is very hard to do when you have chronic conditions such as Lupus, I tend to stop and reflect on what would have been different if I wasn't sick.

     My boyfriend is supportive to a point but lots of times it seems as if he cant even seem to stand his own ground with his mother. I understand its your mother and its hard to do but there comes a point where you have to cut the cord and grow up , you cant keep letting mommy dictate your life especially when you want to create your own family .

          Times like tonight , I'm not sure if its the hormones or loneliness but I wish I had someone that would actually be an adult more times than not. I fully understand leaning on people for help especially for difficult times but an error in typing should not cause the world to end, not having the exact total in coins should not send someone balling into tears. How does this effect me? well... Im afraid of saying something and opening up with something that might spiral these things the same way. Instead of rationalizing ok the total is $5.95 I only have 35cents and $6 , so give the $6 and get back 5 cents we have tears and i have to parent someone who is old enough to be a parent. Ive realized alot of this is due to the upbringing of individuals If a parent feeds off of this and realizes ok , this upsets my child so they will have a meltdown and I can swoop in and pay with a $10 and "save the day" they will idolize me more . If the parent is neither giving positive or negative responses when its obviously desired then the child is not going to know how to respond to a situation making things thus more difficult.

 My concern: If someone still acts like a child how is it responsible for them to bring another life into this world and teach the same poor habits they were taught?
I'm caring but im not that stupid. I'm not taking care of  an armful of children and then an adult child.

Then we have the parent who doesn't want to let go , so what do they do? Make up lies and spread them around .... Seriously? we are not in grade school!

   I feel alone though because I feel as if I have no one to back me up or to share my true feelings because there is always going to be that "parental bias" I understand the need to protect your family but when its hurting repetitively hurting the person that you want to start your OWN family with , the person with whom YOU say you LOVE absolutely till the darkest days; yeah you should probably open your eyes and see what is going on and not wait till its almost over and there is nothing left to pick up of your family or family to be.

  I dont really know if me being sick really would have made a difference on this but maybe with whom I fell in love with , shared that first kiss, first intimate experience with , and shared my love, my soul, my everything with. Not sure if that really would matter but perhaps my views would be different, my habits, my pain and depression at least.
     Tomorrow is the last weekend of the Oklahoma State Fair , im going with him and his mom. Lets see how this goes and I will try to post weekly or bimonthly at least.
        I don't typically lean towards TV personalities for advice but this came up on facebook the other day and I think its true... click the link to read the full article:

 I FULLY support a big family and having family support but when im having to take care of 5 kids and need your help I would rather have it than have you home sipping tea with your mother. If she needs something specific fine but if you want a relationship with me you are going to have to put me first but apparently that's one of the things they don't like that its all about "me,me, me and there's no room for BF in there"   I might post the images that I discovered most of my supposed wrongdoings here but I may blurr names... work in progress!!!

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Putting-Your-Spouse-Before-Your-Parents/-123678406442565473.html?utm_campaign=0906Putting-Your-Spouse-Before-Your-Parents&utm_medium=blog&utm_source=facebook&utm_content=09.06.13&utm_term=link

lil about me , and transfering/splicing previous blogs etc.

    I'm Mary , 22 years old till May 11th so roughly 2 weeks to go . I love animals and deals , couponing, cooking etc. I also have hypertension, history of seizures, a stroke when I was 13, end stage renal failure, severe thrombocytopenia, DVT , hyperthyroidism and more secondary to Systemic Lupus Erythmatosus I will try and touch a little on each later.

I was going to OSU-OKC full time till last year when I discovered I had a blood clot and finished up the semester and passed my finals! (4.0 GPA)  I am VERY proud of my grades perhaps because I am Asian maybe not either way I suppose thats good!

    Health Stuff-
       I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythmatosus(SLE) at 8  years old. I only remember going to the doctor for yearly shots and when I had really bad contact dermatitis in the folds of my elbows and knees.I remember getting horribly sick when trying to be a "normal" kid although I never told my parents but they did find out as I started having a rash on my face. The rash covered the sides of my nose and down towards my cheeks ( butterfly rash) and it hurt to the touch and burned, think of the worst sunburn you have had rub salt on it and multiply it by 10. My mom took my to my PCP at that time and she tested my for Rocky Mountain Spotted fever an some other labs. I was sent home with an antibiotics prescription and instructed to take it for 2 weeks while the labs came back. My mom got the call about a week before my birthday while I was in the bathroom trying to take my first of many pills and all I could think about was "god , if you are out there please dont let this be Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever , please dont". After my mom got off the phone I was told that I had an appointment at the Children's Hospital; a place my parents dont have fond memories of because of my sister's diagnosis of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia when she was 5 years old . She went into remission when she was 10 thankfully .  It was set my appointment towards the end of May at a doctor that I didnt know , I didnt know what for or where really. My dad was supposed to get off work though so it was a big deal as he never did so . My 2nd set of labs done at this appointment and I cried horribly as the phlebotomist could no find my vein repeatedly, it took at least 5 times  and I was to return a few days later to hear the results of something I had yet to comprehend at that time. The doctor was nice as he tried to get me to interact with him by using a Kermit the Frog puppet (he did this for all new patients) and the nurse was sweet and she explained where to go and what was to be expected. I was started on 10mg of Prednisone (steroid) , 250mg of Cellcept (immuosuppressant/chemo) and 200mg plaquenil (antimalarial) .  I hated taking pills and never understood how my dad took his diabetes meds everyday but hoped that if I continued to take them that I wouldn't have what they thought and it would go away like a cold. A weekend later we returned again the trio to see what was in store for my lifetime.
   As I sat there trying not to cry as the adults talked and I could tell by the tone and the facial expressions that it was not good! You know how they say that as one dies they see their life flash before their eyes ... well that sorta happened. I remembered thinking 'would i be able to have kids? would I live? how long etc...' . They of course didnt explain it to me but the nurse was nice enough to offer some "magic cream" which would numb the area that the blood was to be taken from. As a chile who of course didnt like pain from anything especially and so I was delighted with the idea. The "magic cream" was Prilocaine/lidocaine cream that was to be applied topically and let sit with a Tegaderm or saran wrap covering the site for 30mins -1 hr on average.  The nurse drew my labs this time and she got it the 1st time but I could still feel it . She suggested I do it for an hour next time.

    School started shortly as the summer was filled with frequent doctor appointments and medications. My mom had to adapt to me taking meds in the morning by crushing up anything that couldnt come in a liquid form and added water to make it to such. I would still have problems and so she tried giving me pickles after to flush the taste out. It worked for awhile but as school started as much as I tried to remain "normal" I knew inside that Ijust wasnt and it wasnt until 4th grade that I started missing alot more days because of monthly chemo treatments that my teachers were alerted. I hadteachers that tried to fail me because of such and some that were extra mean because of various reasons but some that were really nice too. I stopped going to school Janruary of 5th grade because I got too sick and did a program called homebound , 2 times a week a teacher came to my house for 1-3 hrs to teach me and to make up the classroom time. This continued until 6th grade when my dr decided I would benefit from the social interaction and made me go . That lasted maybe a week and then I got too sick again and honmebound resumed. I had a stroke in 2005 and was unconscious for 6 months in the I.C.U. on dialysis, ventilators, feeding tubes etc. I obviously could not go to school at that time. My kidneys did regain function enough for me to be taken off dialysis which was a relief because I was having to do it at home every night and I couldnt walk so my mom had to change my diapers . It was humiliating !
 I did go to highschool half days until Junior/Senior year which yes some great teachers who understood and some are just plain mean. My mom made me ride the Special Ed bus because she thought that if I had a seizure or something the ambulance would come faster. The drivers most of them could not care less and did not watch . The bus didnt even have a camera like the other buses did.


    I will add more to this later but I need to get to my review of a sewing kit so Stay tuned and be fuzzy!